My Painted Winter
by Rose-Wisteria
Summary: Both Zelos and Sheena dislike winter. Winter for Zelos is the death of his mother. Winter for Sheena is the long days of missing the one she loves dearly. Winter for her is to be apart from her Chosen. But can winter be freedom as well? [Sheelos, oneshot]


**Note to Readers: **Ah, angst is such a great genre to write about. There are always ideas for angst and especially with this couple. Sorry! I am apologizing ahead for the briefness of this one-shot! Next time, I promise I will write a longer one. Since it is my first one-shot in a while, I made the plot less… complex. It will be an easy and simple plot, okay? Just expect any other one-shots I write to be much more complicated. Thanks!

**Summary: **Both Zelos and Sheena dislike winter. Winter for Zelos is the death of his mother. Winter for Sheena is the long days of missing the one she loves dearly. Winter for her is to be apart from her Chosen. But can winter be freedom as well? Sheelos, one-shot

* * *

**_Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think those branches would turn green again and blossom? But we hope it. We know it._**

_**-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe **_

_**My Painted Winter **_

_**By Rose-Wisteria**_

Winter. It is hard to imagine how easy the word rolls off your tongue and into the air you breathe. That same word can suffocate those unaware of its power. That same word brings sadness. That same word is like a chilling wind through the eternal nights.

During those nights I remember sitting near the window and searching for the moon. The moonlight calms my soul and the heavy burden of my heart. However, there was none. The moon did not want to come out and play. Trembling, I crawled into the depths of the blanket and pulled it up until it reached my neck. I was not going to allow the chilliness get a hold of me. Strong… I was strong right?

Those nights were nothing in comparison to that single night. That single night not so long ago. That single night in the Flanoir hotel.

* * *

The room echoed with the harsh wind beating against the window. How could I sleep like this? Like heavy mists of early morning, I was confused and restless. Sleep was out of the question. Besides, that sudden thought of what happened not so long ago forced me awake. A hint of tears brightened my translucent eyes and a frown tugged at the corners of my mouth. The night sky was dark and the shadows of winter were visible. Lowering my gaze, I was much too aware of the painful gnawing in my stomach. I know that feeling much too well now. It was that pang of loneliness. Shaking my head violently, I tried to rid the thought out of my mind and swallow my discomfort. The more I tried the more tears threatened my eyes. 

Burrowed deep within those warm quilts, I dread my decision to leave the room, especially setting that foot on the cold floor below. Finally, making up my mind once and for all, I tossed aside the covers and gathered a scarf around my shoulders against the crisp chill of the night. It was not going to take me long. Nodding, I keep telling myself that it was only going to be a walk around town and then back to bed.

Slipping my icy feet into the fluffy white slippers near the door, I breathed a quick breath to have taken my first step. Now, for the rest! Steadily, I braced my hand against the wall and walked slowly out of my dark room. The stairs never looked so far from where I was. I carefully slipped by Genis and Raine's room, which naturally still had the lights on. That woman can work her head off at any circumstances. The younger brother must already have gotten used to the dim light during his sleep since I could hear the soft sound of him snoring softly. Children…

It was only after I passed by the Sage's room that I became conscious of the blonde lass's absence in my room. She must have silently left the room without my notice for a small midnight snack. I caught her several times before, though I never actually told her I did. It was either that or she wasn't able to sleep either.

The thought was quickly answered when I tried to sneak by Regal and Lloyd's room. Unlike the last room, there were voices coming from inside. Curiosity got the better of me as I moved closer. Luckily, the door was left slightly ajar. There was also light beneath the door to indicate how late they were staying up. Keeping a safe distance away from the door, I bit my lip and listened closely to the conversation inside. My instinct told me not to peer in.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you, Lloyd." Colette's soft voice rung out from inside. It was rather difficult not to question the sob from her usual happy tone. "But I can't go to sleep, not after what happened."

"It was no trouble at all, Colette. Stop apologizing all the time." Lloyd assured the angelic girl kindly. Although from his tone, I recognized some form of weariness. "Please don't fret about it. I wish it could have been avoided too. I missed him too."

Colette, sensing Lloyd's sincerity in making such a confession, failed to say anything for a few moments. Indeed, she knew Lloyd well and this was one of those moments she wished not to be a burden. She was a sweet girl indeed.

But as the wind rapped insistently upon the window Colette finally muttered, "I am truly sorry. If it wasn't for me…" The guilt was apparent.

Lloyd interrupted instantly. "No, Colette, it wasn't your fault. He wanted it that way. There was nothing that was going to change his mind."

"But why? Why would he want to leave us? Why would he want to leave Sheena?"

The question stung me. She mentioned my name and I was speechless. I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. Everything was happening too fast. Everything was out of my control. It became more and more painful to be standing here. However, I held my lips tight together and listened more closely.

"Let us not talk about Sheena. You know she was most affected of all." Lloyd concluded, his voice softening dramatically. This was a signal for hush.

Colette didn't catch it though. "Sheena… I wish I could do something for her… it must be hard to strike the final blow on someone so close to us… And he was trying so hard not to hit her too." Those words loomed over the dull gray silence of the hotel.

I ran and hid in my room, closing the door loudly. It was an agonizing experience to watch one of the people you care about dearly through their last moments of life and most of all, having to hear what occurred one more time. I knew him! He was human! He ached! He suffered! And yet, in the end, it was these very cards in my pockets that struck him down. The same ones that choked his last breathe away. I was vulnerable to the anguish of watching death have its way with him. He didn't have to go that way. He didn't have to take that path.

In the privacy of my room, I stood with my back against the door with trembling hands clasped desperately across my burning heart in an effort to stop the violent beating. Tears flowed down my cheeks. The sobs would not stop.

Through the sense of loss made a gnawing pain in the pit of my stomach, it was nothing in comparison at the terrible feeling that those mere minutes before his fall I was actually mad at him. I hated him. Now, all it did was leave a terrible aftertaste.

I remembered those cheesy stories when the person you love dies, you were supposed to say something romantic or good-bye or something. To think, right before his death, I thought he was a traitor. I said I always thought he was a good person but I was wrong. I mistrusted him. In the end, there was only one thing I could say- he was an idiot until the very end. He had to do something to make us remember him by forever. Damn, it worked! It worked all right!

Before, I knew that idiot Chosen only by his name and title. Nevertheless, as time continued by, he was no longer the famous Chosen of Mana, handsome with fiery hair and blue eyes; he was Zelos Wilder, always smiling when he looked at my figure, saying things to make me feel happy or upset, laughing alongside everybody especially when it was about Lloyd, joking around with everybody, and dying when my cards assailed right through him.

Again, I sniffed the tears away when I heard the loud knocking behind me. Colette was frantically calling my name. I kicked off the fluffy slippers and hastily pulled on my traveling boots. My fingers would not stop shaking. I slumped in misery as I opened the door for the younger woman to enter. The minute she opened her mouth and said something, I distractedly ran by her and down the stairs. No, she could not see my tears. If there was anything I did not want to hear right now it was Colette's solace. I need to sort my own feelings all by myself. All I wanted was to be alone.

* * *

The freezing wind took my breath away when I stepped foot outside. It was late at night so the silence was ominous. Snowflakes lazily drifted to the snowy streets due to the forces of gravity. The streets were empty. My misery was weighed down at the sight of white blanket of snow across the lands. In every direction all I saw was snow and more snow. I clenched my jaw tightly to keep it from trembling. This white powder was starting to drive me crazy. How could anyone live in a city where winter is present all year long? What a dreadful feeling! 

Wearily, I took out my Rheiard and faced the howling wind. The sky was dark, very dark. The cold wind nipped at my skin. The white powder slipped through my fingers. Against all common sense, I jumped into the seat of the Rheiard and hovered high into the dark sky. Even at this height, it was hard to watch where one was going. The world was changing ever so frequently as I traveled through the unknown. It was as if I had no need for any sense of direction. I knew exactly where I was going.

A cold, tight feeling formed at the pit of my stomach at the recognition of that brightly lit city- that capital where the rich nobility and the king resided in. And lastly, the slums where the poor rested. The early morning was brittle and gray. The magic of sleep was still embedded in all the individuals who lived in this city; not a sound was heard from within the gates of Meltokio. The guards barely opened the door when I passed by, and they didn't bother with a morning's greeting. Any objections would have been foolish in my ears. It was clear I did not want to stop and chat.

The bitter cold was still visible in Meltokio as well. The winds continued to shriek, blowing my strands of hair away from my eyes. As I hurriedly walked through the city, I could not help noticing the shops he used to take me to. The hotel in which I dwelled in for a couple of months was one of those places we've met. A second later, I met the laboratory where Corrine was first seen and into my arms. The furry creature was hardly a nuisance and I loved it ever since. Now, Corrine was also gone. There were so many memories to be found of in this place.

It took an eternity to walk through those silent streets. One of the shops had barely opened and the owner greeted me with a smile. I returned it, though it was quite forced. I hardly wanted to look suspicious for wandering the streets at this hour.

Flicking my eyes back, I kept thinking that I saw his shadow pass behind me. He used to always fool around by jumping from side to side behind my back. Of course, I smiled inwardly at that amusing thought, I had always noticed. I wasn't a ninja for show. But even now, it still seem like someone was following me. Someone was watching my every step. Wrapping an arm about my shoulders, I felt them shivering at the thought that I would never feel that ever again. There would no longer be an annoying redhead to leer at my backside or tease at my flushed cheeks.

My head turned slowly, and my eyes met my own shadow before I heaved a sigh of relief. It was all part of my imagination. When I finally found the gardens close to his home, I sat down in front of them and stroke my hands against the soft petals of the scented roses and daisies. He had always liked roses. They were a classic and nothing beat the classics in his mind.

Winter snow. Jumping up and spinning around, I felt the presence of snow. The sheets of snow beat down upon my head and his from a long time ago. No, I wanted that to happen. It was impossible now. He was no longer here and snow was no longer here.

That was not entirely true, I reminded my self. Snow was always falling in this city. Remembering the stories I heard from long ago, I thought the people of Meltokio at one point was driven away by a snow day. That day was recorded in history, which Mizuho picked up. The frozen powder poured harder and harder down the people. It was time they went on that pilgrimage to pray to Martel to stop this snowstorm from persisting in Meltokio. On that fine day, people were rushing to evacuate the city. The streets were empty. The people were gone. The gardens were as dead as the silence of winter.

Staring around at the streets of Meltokio at this time, and without him, it was as if that phenomenon had came back to haunt these people. Winter, in Meltokio, was considered a disaster. The first time, it was the Chosen's mother. And now, the Chosen himself? No, of course not. There was no sign of snow. None in sight.

Then why? Winter drives people away from the streets and without him, it seemed the streets would never be occupied with people ever again. If he was not walking in these streets any longer, it seemed winter had finally come and these people were gone. Without him, there was no other person walking through these streets.

Even the lights of the morning lamps from the poles continued to preserve his presence. Every shadow that occupied the glow from the lamps reminded me of him. The streets were lonelier than ever before. The shadows had come to keep me company but it could never replace the feeling of a warm human being by my side.

Giving up and sitting down on the doorsteps of his mansion, I stared off into the rest of the city and thought of that tale his groupies used to make of the Chosen and the Representative of Mizuho. They said our relationship was as cold as winter. That was how our relationship was supposed to be. I knew they always hated me, and yet, even now, I wondered if it was true. Was our relationship really like winter?

Perhaps, it wasn't our relationship that was like winter at all. Winter was really I.

Long before, I had often noticed how much he disliked the cold weather and when there was snow involved, the worst it was for him. To him, snow was significant but then, it was also insignificant. He wanted to ignore that painful feeling. He wanted to forget all about it. Constantly, the thought of why he hated winter crossed my mind. Why? Why must he hate such weather? Since long, I always thought it was I. If what those stories they told were true, then I was winter. I was insignificant.

Yet, the weather he hated the most was the one who ended his life.

Eyes blurring, lips trembling, breath sighing- there I waited silently on the streets thinking that hopefully he might return. If he was to return, he must come back home. Every second that passed and with the reasoning that he was not coming back, winter kept bringing its fallen snowflakes around me. Coldness had numbed my body. Must I stay in winter for the rest of my life? Without him, my life seemed to have no more meaning. It only had meaning with him in it.

There were many other times when my heart was broken like this and I had endured for so long. I couldn't give up now. Then, why was it so painful knowing life was different now without him? Was it really that easy to return to life normally like before? Was it really that easy?

A shiver passed through my heart. I lost so many people in my life. My friends… my villagers… Corrine... they all suffered because of my existence. It was hard. It was so damn hard but it was nothing in comparison. I had never before lost a close friend of my own age, for the death of Corrine, a manmade Summon Spirit impacted me like nothing I ever felt before, had seemed to come because Corrine wanted to save me and it wasn't my hands that killed him. My weakness killed him, but it was not my hands. In this case, it was with my very own hands. Not only that, my ignorant toward Zelos killed him. If only I paid more attention to him, this would have all been avoided. Again, everything was my fault once more.

That was not the only thing that added to my misery. I loved that idiot. Suddenly, I remembered all the fights we used to exchange with one another, and it pained me to think that those fights would never occur again. I remembered our first meeting in Meltokio, and the long months we spent together when I was still learning about Summon Spirits and he was still playing around at his school. My heart sank low at the thought of all those times and how they were lost forever. Now, how much I wished I never had said all those terrible things to him. Yet, I remembered how he still smiled when I said those words and continued on as if nothing had happened.

Was he in pain? Was he seeing snow?

Moodily, the whole world continued on without me. It was as if I was trapped in a season that never change. I was trapped in a place where no other seasons except winter exist. No, I was trapped in Flanoir where snow fall every day and every night.

I did not understand why he hated winter so much, but now, I understand why I hate it so much. Winter was not the cold weather I had to endure. Winter was being apart from Zelos. It was as if no other seasons existed. If he no longer existed, then no other seasons existed either. Winter had prevailed at last.

The minute I made this resolution, I felt something in my pockets. Without any other options, I hesitantly took out the item that snuggled itself warmly in there. It was a white cloth I had never seen before. It was wrapped around something. With shaking fingers, I unpacked it only to find a green orb staring up at me. It was his Cruxis Crystal. My mind was enclosed in confusion. Right now, I could not remember how it had ever gotten into my clothes in the first place. I thought harder.

Staring at the lit window of his mansion, it hit me. I remembered visibly now how Zelos was acting unusual the night before his departure. I was in the shower and he kept trying to talk to me, but I would not listen. The reason why I did not listen was because I remembered all too well the other day when he tried to peek me in the shower. I was not allowing that to happen again. It was like that Chosen to leave the Cruxis Crystal in my pockets when I left my clothes unattended on the bed.

Upon seeing this object, I did not hesitate anymore and ran out of Meltokio. Like before, my sense of direction did not help me to my destination. My instinct did. This time, the trip seemed faster than the one to Meltokio. Biting my lip, I landed the Rheiard in front of the abbey. How was I to approach this with Seles?

Picking up my courage, I attacked the guards who would not allow me to see Seles. Rushing up the stairs, I felt my stomach growled. What was I thinking? Why am I coming here anyway? I did not know what unknown force had made me come here but when I entered the younger Wilder's room, I could not leave without saying something. The girl still had her beautiful straw hat low over her forehead and her dress low over her knees. Her eyes jumped from the window to me. An unquestionable look crossed her face at the sight of me, disheveled and red-eyed.

There was no time for panicking or thinking. I forcibly placed the orb in her hands and ran down the stairs before she had any time to ask me. I could not bear to tell her the news myself. I had no courage to do this. This was the only thing I could do for her and for her brother. Zelos said that he wanted his half-sister to be free right? And the only way I could lighten the burden in my heart was to deliver his intentions to his half-sister. This was when I paused and more ladylike, went back up the stairs.

I tried to smile when our eyes met. "You are no longer forced to stay here. You are free to go wherever you wish."

There was no wickedness or sadness in those similar blue orbs, but only apathy. The girl was too good. She compressed her emotions well, much better than I could have ever done. Presently, the influence of those mesmerizing pools descended upon me. There was nothing to be afraid of. Winter was nothing to be afraid of.

Snow melted into spring.

Whatever happened to Seles now would be much better than being hold prisoner in this room. For Seles, this room was her winter. She was going to escape.

Life was complex and full of wonder. It was either an everlasting work of art or a ruined masterpiece. There was one pattern, the most hated was when one lived their life absorbed in winter's fury or in the deaths of their loved ones, but there were others where one enjoyed life, whether it was winter today or spring tomorrow. Some lives, like Zelos, stayed in spring and summer for so long the very thought of winter frightened him. It occurred once and he never wanted it to happen again. Winter mattered as little to him as his life.

It was so obvious, one of those answers you were seeking your whole life and only until this last minute you found the answer. Death was the only real winter in life. Zelos wanted to feel the coldness of that weather because he had long been sick of spring, summer, and autumn. It did not seem special to him anymore.

I spotted a painting of snowed hills near Seles's bed. The landscape was captivating. It was a landscape foreign to me, if I had never been to Flanoir. In this painting, I felt a reality greater than any achieved in others' works. The painter had painted this with his very soul. It represented the beauty of the world.

However, Zelos's work of art had no meaning. It was like walking in and looking up at a painting. You spotted the signature of the artist of that painting and appreciate that faceless person's work. It never occurred to you what that person did in his life or what happened in his life to make him paint that painting. All you know was that the painting in front of you was beautiful. Zelos's life was the same way. Everyone walked by and saw him. They saw the famous title he led. They saw the grand image of his visage. It never occurred to them how he felt in the inside. He was human. No one knew that. No one understood that.

Most people felt that way. People only know them by their name.

For Zelos, there was more to the story than that. In comparison to that same painting people admire, the artist's signature was noticeable at the corner of the painting. Of course, the observer would immediately assumed the person who signed it was the one responsible for this work of art. Unknown to the observer, the painting was actually painted by someone else and the signature was only there for show.

His life was exactly the same way. Everyone else controlled his entire life- the King, the Church of Martel, the prophecies, and others. Everyone painted his painting for him. And he was only there to sign that signature and claim it was his. In the end, inevitably, it was never really his at all. Spring, summer, and autumn… what were they for if other people control them?

Winter, for me, was missing him. Winter, for Seles, was the prison she was in. Winter, for everyone, was death. Winter, for him, was freedom.

Winter was his escape. He was free.

Glancing away from the painting and out into the window, I wondered where that idiot was now. A blaze of vibrantly hued streaks of sunlight pierced the coldness of the room. The early morning rays were here. From now on, Seles will be able to leave here and meet spring for the first time.

And I? I was happy.

**Ending Notes: **Wow, I finished! That was much too short but oh well, I didn't want to drag it out any longer. If you haven't noticed, one-shots are where I place my stress on thoughts while chapters are where I place my stress on descriptions. It is a habit of mines. Sorry for the lack of details and descriptions though! I hope I did a decent job on this since I kind of did this at 10 pm at night until some hours in the morning. I had no clue why I couldn't just write it in the morning. Well, since I was in the mood, I had to finish! Sorry for the grammar mistakes, if there were too many! I had to post now instead of sending it to my beta! Thank you for reading my one-shot! I appreciate it! **R & R**! If you don't, no cookies for you! Minnie loves you all.


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